We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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