His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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