Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
