if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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