So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
