this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
