There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize