You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
