I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
