If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
