: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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