oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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