he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
