It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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