it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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