if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
