just tell him i said nine months
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
