You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
