I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
