her vagine was all disorganized.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
