Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
