would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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