I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
