They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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