He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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