well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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