I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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