If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
