My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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