just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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