i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
