I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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