Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
