Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
how does that bad decision feel?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
