Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
