The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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