I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
