yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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