May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
