You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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