@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
