I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I did not marry a roomba.
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