I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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