oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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