if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
