i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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