So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
