Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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