Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
