I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
