I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
