My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We're too hungover to prance.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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