watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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