Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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