9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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