please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
