Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
