he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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