TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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