Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
that is very illegal...i love you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
